Saturday, a week after surgery still in the hospital

 Well things didn't go exactly as planned.  But I've gotten a lot of rest.

early friday before surgery

actually that's just a detail of a bigger piece but I liked it.  Well I'm cleared out.  I hope to be eating at least pudding in the next 48 hours cause I haven't eaten anything for the last 36 hours.

cut out the bad pieces
make whole by cutting away
this will be done soon

Thursday, prepping for the operation

 No gentle laxatives today.  4 ducalax at noon.  7 doses of miralax at 2 and another 7 at 6.  And no eating.  Clear liquids only.

Forturnately, in the morning at least, coffee, sans milk, counts as a clear liquid.  I take mine black so it's OK. 

I do like to eat tho.  and I get to do this every three months for the next year to make sure that I am still cancer free. 

Gotta say that my team is doing everything they can to prepare me for the surgery.  My questions are being answered, most of them are even being anticipated, and even the questions I didn't know enough to ask are being answered.  Turns out they've done this before. 

I'm pretty pleased that this ostomy bag thing is temporary.  Everything I read and hear about it though is that about the time it gets to be routine, it'll be reversed.  I'm OK with that.  Better 50 days than 50 years.

I don't eat today
my bloodsugar is falling
I'll get some fruit juice

Wednesday, seeing the nurse today

So tomorrow I start fasting for my surgery.  Don't talk to me as I'm sure to be cranky.
Not sure what the nurse is gonna say today.  I've tried to do some research on ostomies so that I have a clue and can ask some vaguely intellegent questions.  I've been remarkably unsuccessful.  Course if she ends up telling me stuff I've already found out.  I will not be happy.

spring heading my way
a few frost heaves in the road
bumpy but that's all

Tuesday, puke free since 83, no more

 well I was under the weather last yesterday. Feeling much better today after a good 12 hours of sleep.  Fever broke sometime during the night and I am prolly cleaned out enough for a colonoscopy.  So cleansed and rested I face another day. 

would like a few more hours of sleep but I'll deal.  As for puke free.  Well the last time I puked like that was nearly thirty years ago when I went shot for shot with a friend of mine drinking a fifth of Lawrence Vodka in about 45 minutes.  The day after that was the day I gave up drinking games. 

clearing my system
get ready for surgery
I blame the time change

Sunday morning

 Lovely breakfast.  As I get closer to surgery I realize how lucky I am.  Things really are going well and I am getting essentially what I want albeit in a way that I didn't expect. 

I was watching a video of a fellows first time at Burning Man a few months back and one of the things that struck me was that he said he had the best and the worst time of his life during that period.  He also said that on reflection that those feelings were caused by him and nothing else. 

It was a friend of mine's birthday celebration last night and they took me to see Wanderlust.  I highly recommend it.  Also when I came out of the theater there was a box that said free movie posters.  I picked up the John Carter one.

sunny day outside
warmish heading towards spring
time to hang up coats?

Sarturday, another day closer to slicing

 not much going on.  Slept in a bit.  pancakes for first breakfast. 

tasty days ahead
things are moving along now
sometimes phone it in

Friday

 morning has broken like the first morning.  Well actually I can't say for sure as I wasn't around for the first morning but it's reletively warm, kinda windy, and there aren't a lot of clouds in the sky.  That's gonna change I'm told.  For one thing with the time change it's gonna be dark when I wake up again.  Always takes me a little time to adjust to that.  For another the forecast is for rain. 

For now however it is a fine and lovely day and I couldn't be more pleased with it. 

As I was falling asleep last night I played the hypnosis tape in my head and realized that while I thought that it was only serving to remind me of my surgery, which I was very happily denying, it was actually making it easier for me to accept my upcoming surgery which is a good thing.  Still not looking forward to it, but I'm somewhat less anxious about it.

wind blows through the trees
the tops swaying back and forth
dark against the sky

Thursday

Another day.  There is a birthday party coming up this weekend.  That should be fun.  The sun is out it's a balmy 42 degrees outside and for now it's quite nice.

Didn't sleep as well as I would have liked.  Went to sleep at 9:30 woke up at 12:30 and sort of semi conscioused my way thru from very early morning to get up time.  But I've had coffee and cereal. and there is yogurt for a midmorning snack if I so desire.

Well that's it for now.

blue art volcano
eruption against a sky
is that a stoma?

later wednesday, blind faith, the kindness of others, and a tasty curry

So I am just stunned by the out pouring of support I got today.  Thank you all so much for your kind words and donations.  Still a ways to go but I think the first month may be taken care of.

TheBeliever commented on the importance of Faith.  I'm with there, Brother.

looking around the kitchen found some peanut butter, honey, milk and a jar of curry power with just enough left.  table spoon of peanut butter, tea spoon +/- of honey, quarter cup of milk, some curry powder.  mm mm good

Thank you all, you help
your support helps me a lot
thank you very much.

wednesday

I slept in a little. That felt good. Waiting for the blood tests to come back. I prolly won't hear til tomorrow as the oncologist's assistant doesn't work on Wednesday, which BTW I find really odd. Maybe she has things to do on Wednesday.

It's quiet here and my mouse has stopped working. I'm not really a big fan of a track pad but if that's the worse thing that happens to me this week, I'm OK.

Lately I've been saying thank you as I lie down for the night. It really is nice to snuggle into bed and know that rest is coming soon.

Thank you also to all you people who are thinking good thoughts for me as I head to my surgery. It turns out though that I'm going to need money for ostomy bags and such. That amount has not been established but I'm thinking around 500 which may not be covered by insurance. I'm filling out a bunch of forms but I'm not sure that it's gonna help much. So if y'all could see your way clear to throwing me a couple of bucks I'd really appreciate it. All I need is 100 people to donate $5.

So far I've received some very generous donations. I thought the Google ads were going to help as well but they shut me down I think because to many people were clicking the ads just to click em. So anyway I'd appreciate some cash $1 dollar or more at my donate page but good thoughts are important, too. So for all y'all are doing thanks for the support.


sun is out today
snow has been melting road side
I think more will come

tuesday evening

not much to say just wanted to put this piece up.
blood was drawn.  Had some tea at the Dempsey center.  Talked to the surgeon will prolly get another draw next week to make sure the white count is adequate.

little white blood cells
attack the nasty bad bits
I hope they come back

Tuesday another blood draw

My white counts is slowly climbing.  I'm wondering if that will make a difference to my surgery.  Should my count not reach 5 by the 16th will they delay it?  I suspect it will reach lo normal but I'm not sure.

I continue to carry on.  Not much to say really.  so...

backyard dogs barking
at what I'm not really sure
glad  each other there

Monday another day closer to surgery

So yeah I'm kinda dwelling on the surgery. I got meditation/hypnosis disk from the Dempsey Center in Lewiston. It's supposed to help prepare me mentally for the surgery. I gave it an initial listen and it didn't do much more than alert me to what could go wrong. Course if I listen to it again I'm sure I'll feel better.

snow in the darkness
morning shows the white blanket
it's good to be warm

sunday filling out forms

not really a big fan of filling out forms, esp when I have to hand write them.  see earlier note re writers cramp. one question asked if I had difficulty dealing with people, I said the form was starting to annoy me.

paper and a pen
I ask for a bit more help
not always pleasant 

later Saturday after some fruit and yogurt

Couple of things

the name of the piece is the Phoenix

I've decided that moderation means different things to different people. It just means cut back on the extremes a little bit. Thing is some people are more extreme than others. For instance I have supstituted fruit, yougurt, peanut butter, and honey for... well... bacon fat. I really like bacon. But I'm not giving it up. I'm just eating less of it. And more yogurt, fruit, honey and peanut butter.

tasty lunch good stuff
eat better food to get well
I don't feel sick now

That last line reminds me of the bring out your dead scene in Holy Grail. I don't feel sick now, no surgery needed thank you. Ah well.

chillaxing on a Saturday morning

resting got up late tasty breakfast random punctuation oh yeah I'm chillaxin.

been eating a lot of fruit and yogurt lately.  It's yummy.

there is a fair amount of snow on the ground.  but I'm inside.  oh yeah warm and comfy I can dig it.

not much to report.  picked up a meditation cd at the dempsey center yesterday.  it's supposed to help me prepare for surgery and afterwards.

snow melts roof dripping
plow piling it up road side
Maine winter changes

Friday, Oh yeah

Well the snow has stopped.  The plows have cleared the roads.  More snow this weekend but for now it's quite pleasant if a little cold.  The surgery is still a couple of weeks off and for now at least I've filled out all the forms I need to fill out.  I'm beginning to see why writer's cramp is on the list of approved conditions in Cali.

I've been getting sleep lately.  I tend to get to bed around 8 go to sleep around 9 wake up at midnight and then go back to sleep until 5:30ish.  It's not perfect but it's better than waking up every couple of hours.

winter hangs onto Maine
spring still a few weeks away
it's a healing time

Thursday, March 1 a snow storm

It's snowing outside. It's fairly quiet inside. Not really a whole lot happening.

white as snow outside
quiet as a mouse inside
carpe diem

sieze the day become productive. not sure that's gonna happen today but we'll see what happens.