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Sunday, November 18, 2012

you waited how long to start your blog again?

So I spent the last several months in and out of the hospital, including an colonostomy surgery.  Seems I am destined to carry a bag with me for the rest of my life.

Things I have learned over the last few months...
It really important to be hydrated.  I was hospitalized once because I was so dehydrated.
It's also important to eat.  My doctor said I wasn't eating enough, so she snaked a tube down my nose with nutrients.  That was beyond uncomfortable and my throat is just now recovering.
In rehab I learned that exercising really does make you stronger.  I am able to walk longer and longer distances daily.

So I am in my last days of rehab going back to my parents house to finish my recovery.  I still have a lot of healing to do.  I have two wounds from the last surgery that are healing with what is called a wound vac.  It pretty much sucks the nasty stuff from the wounds and allows them to heal from the bottom up.  It is a relatively fast process compared to normal packing a wound but my wounds are quite big.  One of them was  a 14 inch gash in tum 6 weeks ago.  Now it has shrunk to 5 still pretty big but healing quickly every day.

been resting in bed
been off my feet way to long
get back in the game

Saturday, April 7, 2012

post surgery.

Surgery was supposed to go fairly quick and easy.  A 3 or 4 hours in the OR and I'm out with an ileostomy bag on my side for a couple of months.  Maybe a day or two of recovery in the hospital to make sure everything went fine.

I went in, the anesthesiologist suggested an epidural and I accept his suggestion.  Seven hours later I'm in recovery with a huge wound on my stomach as well as the ileostomy bag.  Turns out that it's really hard to do laproscopic surgery on a three hundred pound man.

The next week in the hospital is a blur of clear fluids, morphine, a catheter, and doctors looking at the wound in my side with a worried look on their face.

No blog for three weeks
Just not ready to write it
starting again now

Saturday, March 24, 2012

Friday, March 16, 2012

early friday before surgery

actually that's just a detail of a bigger piece but I liked it.  Well I'm cleared out.  I hope to be eating at least pudding in the next 48 hours cause I haven't eaten anything for the last 36 hours.

cut out the bad pieces
make whole by cutting away
this will be done soon

Thursday, March 15, 2012

Thursday, prepping for the operation

 No gentle laxatives today.  4 ducalax at noon.  7 doses of miralax at 2 and another 7 at 6.  And no eating.  Clear liquids only.

Forturnately, in the morning at least, coffee, sans milk, counts as a clear liquid.  I take mine black so it's OK. 

I do like to eat tho.  and I get to do this every three months for the next year to make sure that I am still cancer free. 

Gotta say that my team is doing everything they can to prepare me for the surgery.  My questions are being answered, most of them are even being anticipated, and even the questions I didn't know enough to ask are being answered.  Turns out they've done this before. 

I'm pretty pleased that this ostomy bag thing is temporary.  Everything I read and hear about it though is that about the time it gets to be routine, it'll be reversed.  I'm OK with that.  Better 50 days than 50 years.

I don't eat today
my bloodsugar is falling
I'll get some fruit juice
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Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Wednesday, seeing the nurse today

So tomorrow I start fasting for my surgery.  Don't talk to me as I'm sure to be cranky.
Not sure what the nurse is gonna say today.  I've tried to do some research on ostomies so that I have a clue and can ask some vaguely intellegent questions.  I've been remarkably unsuccessful.  Course if she ends up telling me stuff I've already found out.  I will not be happy.

spring heading my way
a few frost heaves in the road
bumpy but that's all
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Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Tuesday, puke free since 83, no more

 well I was under the weather last yesterday. Feeling much better today after a good 12 hours of sleep.  Fever broke sometime during the night and I am prolly cleaned out enough for a colonoscopy.  So cleansed and rested I face another day. 

would like a few more hours of sleep but I'll deal.  As for puke free.  Well the last time I puked like that was nearly thirty years ago when I went shot for shot with a friend of mine drinking a fifth of Lawrence Vodka in about 45 minutes.  The day after that was the day I gave up drinking games. 

clearing my system
get ready for surgery
I blame the time change
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Sunday, March 11, 2012

Sunday morning

 Lovely breakfast.  As I get closer to surgery I realize how lucky I am.  Things really are going well and I am getting essentially what I want albeit in a way that I didn't expect. 

I was watching a video of a fellows first time at Burning Man a few months back and one of the things that struck me was that he said he had the best and the worst time of his life during that period.  He also said that on reflection that those feelings were caused by him and nothing else. 

It was a friend of mine's birthday celebration last night and they took me to see Wanderlust.  I highly recommend it.  Also when I came out of the theater there was a box that said free movie posters.  I picked up the John Carter one.

sunny day outside
warmish heading towards spring
time to hang up coats?
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Saturday, March 10, 2012

Sarturday, another day closer to slicing

 not much going on.  Slept in a bit.  pancakes for first breakfast. 

tasty days ahead
things are moving along now
sometimes phone it in
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Friday, March 9, 2012


 morning has broken like the first morning.  Well actually I can't say for sure as I wasn't around for the first morning but it's reletively warm, kinda windy, and there aren't a lot of clouds in the sky.  That's gonna change I'm told.  For one thing with the time change it's gonna be dark when I wake up again.  Always takes me a little time to adjust to that.  For another the forecast is for rain. 

For now however it is a fine and lovely day and I couldn't be more pleased with it. 

As I was falling asleep last night I played the hypnosis tape in my head and realized that while I thought that it was only serving to remind me of my surgery, which I was very happily denying, it was actually making it easier for me to accept my upcoming surgery which is a good thing.  Still not looking forward to it, but I'm somewhat less anxious about it.

wind blows through the trees
the tops swaying back and forth
dark against the sky
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Thursday, March 8, 2012


Another day.  There is a birthday party coming up this weekend.  That should be fun.  The sun is out it's a balmy 42 degrees outside and for now it's quite nice.

Didn't sleep as well as I would have liked.  Went to sleep at 9:30 woke up at 12:30 and sort of semi conscioused my way thru from very early morning to get up time.  But I've had coffee and cereal. and there is yogurt for a midmorning snack if I so desire.

Well that's it for now.

blue art volcano
eruption against a sky
is that a stoma?
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Wednesday, March 7, 2012

later wednesday, blind faith, the kindness of others, and a tasty curry

So I am just stunned by the out pouring of support I got today.  Thank you all so much for your kind words and donations.  Still a ways to go but I think the first month may be taken care of.

TheBeliever commented on the importance of Faith.  I'm with there, Brother.

looking around the kitchen found some peanut butter, honey, milk and a jar of curry power with just enough left.  table spoon of peanut butter, tea spoon +/- of honey, quarter cup of milk, some curry powder.  mm mm good

Thank you all, you help
your support helps me a lot
thank you very much.


I slept in a little. That felt good. Waiting for the blood tests to come back. I prolly won't hear til tomorrow as the oncologist's assistant doesn't work on Wednesday, which BTW I find really odd. Maybe she has things to do on Wednesday.

It's quiet here and my mouse has stopped working. I'm not really a big fan of a track pad but if that's the worse thing that happens to me this week, I'm OK.

Lately I've been saying thank you as I lie down for the night. It really is nice to snuggle into bed and know that rest is coming soon.

Thank you also to all you people who are thinking good thoughts for me as I head to my surgery. It turns out though that I'm going to need money for ostomy bags and such. That amount has not been established but I'm thinking around 500 which may not be covered by insurance. I'm filling out a bunch of forms but I'm not sure that it's gonna help much. So if y'all could see your way clear to throwing me a couple of bucks I'd really appreciate it. All I need is 100 people to donate $5.

So far I've received some very generous donations. I thought the Google ads were going to help as well but they shut me down I think because to many people were clicking the ads just to click em. So anyway I'd appreciate some cash $1 dollar or more at my donate page but good thoughts are important, too. So for all y'all are doing thanks for the support.

sun is out today
snow has been melting road side
I think more will come
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Tuesday, March 6, 2012

tuesday evening

not much to say just wanted to put this piece up.
blood was drawn.  Had some tea at the Dempsey center.  Talked to the surgeon will prolly get another draw next week to make sure the white count is adequate.

little white blood cells
attack the nasty bad bits
I hope they come back

Tuesday another blood draw

Posted by PicasaMy white counts is slowly climbing.  I'm wondering if that will make a difference to my surgery.  Should my count not reach 5 by the 16th will they delay it?  I suspect it will reach lo normal but I'm not sure.

I continue to carry on.  Not much to say really.  so...

backyard dogs barking
at what I'm not really sure
glad  each other there

Monday, March 5, 2012

Monday another day closer to surgery

So yeah I'm kinda dwelling on the surgery. I got meditation/hypnosis disk from the Dempsey Center in Lewiston. It's supposed to help prepare me mentally for the surgery. I gave it an initial listen and it didn't do much more than alert me to what could go wrong. Course if I listen to it again I'm sure I'll feel better.

snow in the darkness
morning shows the white blanket
it's good to be warm
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Sunday, March 4, 2012

sunday filling out forms

Posted by Picasanot really a big fan of filling out forms, esp when I have to hand write them.  see earlier note re writers cramp. one question asked if I had difficulty dealing with people, I said the form was starting to annoy me.

paper and a pen
I ask for a bit more help
not always pleasant 

Saturday, March 3, 2012

later Saturday after some fruit and yogurt

Couple of things

the name of the piece is the Phoenix

I've decided that moderation means different things to different people. It just means cut back on the extremes a little bit. Thing is some people are more extreme than others. For instance I have supstituted fruit, yougurt, peanut butter, and honey for... well... bacon fat. I really like bacon. But I'm not giving it up. I'm just eating less of it. And more yogurt, fruit, honey and peanut butter.

tasty lunch good stuff
eat better food to get well
I don't feel sick now

That last line reminds me of the bring out your dead scene in Holy Grail. I don't feel sick now, no surgery needed thank you. Ah well.
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chillaxing on a Saturday morning

resting got up late tasty breakfast random punctuation oh yeah I'm chillaxin.

been eating a lot of fruit and yogurt lately.  It's yummy.

there is a fair amount of snow on the ground.  but I'm inside.  oh yeah warm and comfy I can dig it.

not much to report.  picked up a meditation cd at the dempsey center yesterday.  it's supposed to help me prepare for surgery and afterwards.

snow melts roof dripping
plow piling it up road side
Maine winter changes

Friday, March 2, 2012

Friday, Oh yeah

Posted by PicasaWell the snow has stopped.  The plows have cleared the roads.  More snow this weekend but for now it's quite pleasant if a little cold.  The surgery is still a couple of weeks off and for now at least I've filled out all the forms I need to fill out.  I'm beginning to see why writer's cramp is on the list of approved conditions in Cali.

I've been getting sleep lately.  I tend to get to bed around 8 go to sleep around 9 wake up at midnight and then go back to sleep until 5:30ish.  It's not perfect but it's better than waking up every couple of hours.

winter hangs onto Maine
spring still a few weeks away
it's a healing time

Thursday, March 1, 2012

Thursday, March 1 a snow storm

It's snowing outside. It's fairly quiet inside. Not really a whole lot happening.

white as snow outside
quiet as a mouse inside
carpe diem

sieze the day become productive. not sure that's gonna happen today but we'll see what happens.

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Wednesday, February 29, 2012


Posted by PicasaSo my white blood cell count is going back up slowly.  It's up over three.  Low normal is 5.  The surgeon said she was going to give me lot's of  antibiotics.

I got word yesterday that I was once again approved for state benefits which is a very good thing.  I filled out the forms for state disability yesterday.  I'm not sure how that will go.  I need to be approved for disability if my ostomy supplies are going to be covered so I hope that goes well.

If you'd like to help go to my donate page at and donate a couple of bucks.  Or just think good thoughts for me.


funds for my healing
mostly but not quite all there
the kindness of my friends

Tuesday, February 28, 2012


well, it seems I've been wound a bit tight lately.  I watched "Strictly Sexual" on Hulu last night and just cried at the end.  I mean I usually tear up a little at a lot of things but I just opened up last night.  Actually felt pretty good afterwards.  

I was at the Dempsey Center at CMMC yesterday while I was waiting for a ride.  Among the things I found in their library was a book called Finding the Money.  Among other things it said that I was going to have to fill out a series of long and tedious forms.  Boy ain't that the truth.  I'm not a big fan of forms.

but there it is.

Doctors doing well
They do their best to help me
mostly up to me

Monday, February 27, 2012


so another thing causing me some concern is wearing an ileostomy bag.  I searched the net yesterday looking for someone that said don't worry it's a piece of cake.  I found someone but it seems that there are a fair amount of people who had some probs with theirs.  Course I stopped looking after I found the positive one.

feel free to leave any thoughts on ostomy bags.


The week starts again and I am closer to my surgery. I have a bunch of forms to fill out for disability today. I hate filling out forms. I'm not sure why. I just do.

winter is still here
its white cold grip is on me
my feet are chilly

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Sunday, February 26, 2012

sunday late morning

Saw my son at the lake yesterday.  It was really great to see him.  That just doesn't happen enough.  I am reminded of the song cat's cradle and I fear what may happen but I do what I can and hope for the best.  Turns out a lot of Harry Chapin's songs touch me.  I don't think I'm really alone in that.

Also went to an awesome party last night.  Boy that doesn't happen often.  Course if it did I guess I wouldn't appreciate it.  Good food, neat people, lasted just the right amount of time.

Slept til 9:30 or maybe later.  That doesn't happen much.  It's a beautiful thing.

But this is a cancer blog so on to that...  Right now I am in the period of letting my body recover from radiation/chemo so the surgery can take place.  It occurred to me yesterday that just like they gave me the weekends off from rad/chem this is sort of like that.  A six week period to let my body and mind recover and get ready for another action.

resting on a couch
late Sunday late winter chill
relax for the day

Saturday, February 25, 2012

Saturday, a birthday and ice fishing

Well it's a friends birthday and their is an ice fishing tourney in New Gloucester in which my son is going to participate.  I am in Brunswick prepping for the party.  Carole said said she would take me back out to NG so I could say hi to my son.  She just rocks.

I am looking forward to the b-day party tho.

Cancer seems to be doing its cancer thing, not much to say except that I am really grateful to be living in a time when this is just a major inconvenience rather than a death sentence.

cars outside window
engines and tires sounding off
make tracks in the slush

Friday, February 24, 2012

finally another frinday

something a little different.  Created at  The cancer is not really at the front of my mind right now, except that the surgery looms and I'm not certain that it all gets paid for.  I'm fairly sure that it will all turn out OK tho.

sling some paint around
onto large wall sized pieces
that's what I want done

Thursday, February 23, 2012


Well my surgery is March 16. It's good to know that. I'm also really pleased to be living in a time when this is just a major inconvenience and not a death sentence.

winter is warming
days are getting longer now
it's not even March
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Wednesday, February 22, 2012


Seems it snowed last night or at least before I woke up.  Not much goes on today.  My butt continues to get better.  Still nice to have a cushion tho.  

white snowy morning
time between not quite enough
 and to much coffeePosted by Picasa

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

later tuesday

Well that post may have been a bit over the top.  But I needed to put on my brave boy pants today.  I feel much better about the surgery after meeting with the surgeon again.  She's very good, she didn't want to brag but...  she's done the surgery many times before.  she is doing it with someone even more experienced than herself.  So anyway I feel better about my surgery now.  still no date.  a bit anxious about that.

Tuesday, meet with the surgeon

Posted by PicasaI meet with the surgeon today.  I gotta say, this part of the process may be the one giving me the most anxiety.  I'm trusting my sex life and my pooping to this person.  Two things which I really enjoy.  If things go really well during the surgery I walk around with an ileostomy bag for the next two months.  If they go horribly wrong it'll be for the next 50 years.

If my surgeon tweaks the wrong muscle or nerve during surgery I get to experience ED for the rest of my life.  OH frabjous day.  Oh well with my vorpal sword I shall meet the Jaberwocky and defeat it.

carefully cut me
a surgeons blade to aid me
less of me is more

Monday, February 20, 2012

monday again

the morning is cold
dawn breaks over the tall trees
nothing much to say
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Sunday, February 19, 2012

Sunday before lent

Posted by Picasaand so I spend another weekend in bed.  My butt grateful.  My entire body and soul grateful for the rest.  Do I really do a lot during the week?  Depends on what you call a lot but I'm doing nothing today.  OK I made my bed, ate some food, showered.  But I went back to bed immediately afterwards.

rest well my good friends
take some time to ease your mind
you will be better