Wednesday

So my white blood cell count is going back up slowly.  It's up over three.  Low normal is 5.  The surgeon said she was going to give me lot's of  antibiotics.

I got word yesterday that I was once again approved for state benefits which is a very good thing.  I filled out the forms for state disability yesterday.  I'm not sure how that will go.  I need to be approved for disability if my ostomy supplies are going to be covered so I hope that goes well.

If you'd like to help go to my donate page at http://coloncancerfund.schuylermeyers.com and donate a couple of bucks.  Or just think good thoughts for me.

thanks


funds for my healing
mostly but not quite all there
the kindness of my friends

Tuesday

well, it seems I've been wound a bit tight lately.  I watched "Strictly Sexual" on Hulu last night and just cried at the end.  I mean I usually tear up a little at a lot of things but I just opened up last night.  Actually felt pretty good afterwards.  

I was at the Dempsey Center at CMMC yesterday while I was waiting for a ride.  Among the things I found in their library was a book called Finding the Money.  Among other things it said that I was going to have to fill out a series of long and tedious forms.  Boy ain't that the truth.  I'm not a big fan of forms.

but there it is.

Doctors doing well
They do their best to help me
mostly up to me

update

so another thing causing me some concern is wearing an ileostomy bag.  I searched the net yesterday looking for someone that said don't worry it's a piece of cake.  I found someone but it seems that there are a fair amount of people who had some probs with theirs.  Course I stopped looking after I found the positive one.

feel free to leave any thoughts on ostomy bags.

monday

The week starts again and I am closer to my surgery. I have a bunch of forms to fill out for disability today. I hate filling out forms. I'm not sure why. I just do.

winter is still here
its white cold grip is on me
my feet are chilly

sunday late morning

Saw my son at the lake yesterday.  It was really great to see him.  That just doesn't happen enough.  I am reminded of the song cat's cradle and I fear what may happen but I do what I can and hope for the best.  Turns out a lot of Harry Chapin's songs touch me.  I don't think I'm really alone in that.

Also went to an awesome party last night.  Boy that doesn't happen often.  Course if it did I guess I wouldn't appreciate it.  Good food, neat people, lasted just the right amount of time.

Slept til 9:30 or maybe later.  That doesn't happen much.  It's a beautiful thing.

But this is a cancer blog so on to that...  Right now I am in the period of letting my body recover from radiation/chemo so the surgery can take place.  It occurred to me yesterday that just like they gave me the weekends off from rad/chem this is sort of like that.  A six week period to let my body and mind recover and get ready for another action.

resting on a couch
late Sunday late winter chill
relax for the day

Saturday, a birthday and ice fishing

Well it's a friends birthday and their is an ice fishing tourney in New Gloucester in which my son is going to participate.  I am in Brunswick prepping for the party.  Carole said said she would take me back out to NG so I could say hi to my son.  She just rocks.

I am looking forward to the b-day party tho.

Cancer seems to be doing its cancer thing, not much to say except that I am really grateful to be living in a time when this is just a major inconvenience rather than a death sentence.

cars outside window
engines and tires sounding off
make tracks in the slush

finally another frinday

something a little different.  Created at jacksonpollock.org.  The cancer is not really at the front of my mind right now, except that the surgery looms and I'm not certain that it all gets paid for.  I'm fairly sure that it will all turn out OK tho.

sling some paint around
onto large wall sized pieces
that's what I want done

Thursday

Well my surgery is March 16. It's good to know that. I'm also really pleased to be living in a time when this is just a major inconvenience and not a death sentence.

winter is warming
days are getting longer now
it's not even March

wednesday

Seems it snowed last night or at least before I woke up.  Not much goes on today.  My butt continues to get better.  Still nice to have a cushion tho.  

white snowy morning

time between not quite enough

 and to much coffee

later tuesday

Well that post may have been a bit over the top.  But I needed to put on my brave boy pants today.  I feel much better about the surgery after meeting with the surgeon again.  She's very good, she didn't want to brag but...  she's done the surgery many times before.  she is doing it with someone even more experienced than herself.  So anyway I feel better about my surgery now.  still no date.  a bit anxious about that.

Tuesday, meet with the surgeon

I meet with the surgeon today.  I gotta say, this part of the process may be the one giving me the most anxiety.  I'm trusting my sex life and my pooping to this person.  Two things which I really enjoy.  If things go really well during the surgery I walk around with an ileostomy bag for the next two months.  If they go horribly wrong it'll be for the next 50 years.

If my surgeon tweaks the wrong muscle or nerve during surgery I get to experience ED for the rest of my life.  OH frabjous day.  Oh well with my vorpal sword I shall meet the Jaberwocky and defeat it.

carefully cut me
a surgeons blade to aid me
less of me is more

monday again

the morning is cold

dawn breaks over the tall trees

nothing much to say

Sunday before lent

and so I spend another weekend in bed.  My butt grateful.  My entire body and soul grateful for the rest.  Do I really do a lot during the week?  Depends on what you call a lot but I'm doing nothing today.  OK I made my bed, ate some food, showered.  But I went back to bed immediately afterwards.

rest well my good friends
take some time to ease your mind
you will be better

Saturday morn

My butt is feeling better. I got some sleep. Generally a good day. Not sure about this image. It is certainly something different for me. I'll see if I can get my head around it.

morning sun is bright
afternoon looks good today
I'm moving forward

later friday, trying to sit comfortably

I think that the bed would be a better place to be.  Soon.

another Friday

got more sleep last night so I feel somewhat better this morning.  Thank goodness for cushy cushions.  I'm told that my burning butt will start feeling better soon but it doesn't feel that way now.  I almost miss the chemo when weekends were a source of relief.  That said, the weekend is a source of rest and sleep.  That's always a plus.

snow drips as it melts
sounds travel throughout the house
the quiet is quite loud

Thursday, not as much sleep as I'd like

So I may not be quite as lucid as usual.  

Butt still a bit sore.  Helped by butt pad

Eating yogurt yum.  May throw some chia seeds in to mix it up a bit.

and now I phone in a haiku

blah blah blah blahblah

season season now, blah blah

that's the way it is

Wednesday, early

The lottery jackpot continues to elude me. I have decided not to play for a while as my funds are running low and it looks like MaineCare might not cover some of the medical appliances I'm going to need after the surgery. That's not for sure, I may be able to get on the disability list. I haven't heard back from them yet.

I really want to thank everybody that has contributed. While the Google thing didn't work out, it is nice that y'all are thinking of me. That said please tell your friends that I could use a couple of bucks and send them to my blog or to my donate page, http://coloncancerfund.schuylermeyers.com. If you can spare it, donate a few greenbacks yourself. Thanks

breakfast is early
dinner sometimes kinda late
lunch is in between

On that note, I'd like to say that if things had to go horribly wrong, this really is not so bad. I'm living in a country in which eating is a sport. In which the health care system if a little broken at least exists. I also manage to find internet, and 3 meals a day. So thanks for that but I'd still like a bit more please.

thanks
tcahf
sky

Tuesday

Well the rents brought me down a donut pillow for me to sit on. It helps a lot.
Still waking up, so don't have much to say.
I have more blood to be drawn over the next few weeks to make sure my counts go back up. Prolly a good thing the nurses talked me out of canceling the blood work orders last time.

It is still quite cold
Winter continues to be
spring will heal me soon

med marijuana

I've been asked to talk about my experience with medical marijuana in Maine, m3.  First of all it should be known that I am in favor of growing industrial hemp because of it's many uses.  I am also in favor of the legalization of Marijuana as a drug similar to alcohol.  It turns out though that in between those two is Medical Marijuana.  Like any drug, there are different strengths and types of it for different needs of different patients.  In Maine the list of diseases is fairly short compared to someplace like California.  There the diseases include writers cramp.  This is not to say that marijuana isn't effective against writers cramp but I think it may be a little over the top.   That said if you are a Maine resident you can petition the state to include your disease.  I have no idea how to do that.

It is also important to note that doctors cannot prescribe or help you acquire m3.  They can only certify that you have a condition on the list and that they have talked to you about it.  So the way you ask you doctor about medical marijuana is important.  Don't ask for a prescription.  Just ask that you be certified that you have the appropriate condition.  Also make sure that you have the correct paper work for your doctor to fill out.  It is a short form on tamper proof paper that you can get from your local dispensary.

The dispensaries are all about helping you acquire m3.  Call up the nearest one today and ask about it and ask them to send you the appropriate paper work.  The place I use is Remedy Compassion Center in Auburn.  They are very helpful.

I have found that the m3 program has been very helpful in relieving a lot of the pain and suffering that goes along with my cancer.

Monday still recovering

Well I was told this would take a while and they were right. This weekend was good. Mostly bed rest and a Big Bang Theory marathon.

Large sigh as I sit here clear headed and sore butted shifting from cheek to cheek.

Oh poo as I sit
there is more pain as I poo
it will be done soon

sunday improvements

Not really an improvement, but the powerball jackpot once again eluded me. It was one by someone who bought a ticket in Rhode Island. In protest of their raising the cost of ticket prices, I am not going to play again until the odds pay off at least .50 on the dollar. The hydrocortisone seems to be working better. I have also been certified for some medical marijuana which has helped with the pain, the nausea and some of the anxiety associated with this process. It's a little on the expensive side so I don't use much.

I think bed rest this weekend has helped.

weekend rest in bed
make my butt feel much better
thank you internet

saturday late morn

got my mail in Portland today turns out I may be a little on the late side of the deadline for Mainecare. I'll call Monday and see what I can do.

Meanwhile my butt continues to burn. I think I may avoid sitting this weekend when possible. Bedrest seems to be OK.

lie here typing blog
embracing pain in my butt
it will get better

Friday, begin recovery

So I finished my radchem yesterday. I must say it is very nice not to have to take the chemo this morning. From what I'm told there may be more in my future but that's a month or two off. My butt will be burning for the next couple of weeks from the radiation. When the damage from the radiation heals more completely my surgeon will cut out the cancer and we'll see what is happening with my rectum and colon.

chilly winter morn
jack frost nipping at my nose
things are moving on

later thursday

had a long nap today feel really good about that.  I slept nearly ten hours last night and still was exhausted after the rad treatment today.  apparently that's normal.  had some yogurt and blueberries after I woke up.  It's been a really good day.

on a lighter note

I went into the store the other day to get some hydrocortisone creme for my burning butt.  When I checked out the cash register gave me a coupon which I guess it thought might be relevant.  It was a coupon for Hot Pockets.  I've decided to embrace the pain as my illness leaving my body.  Laughing less was never really an option.

thursday last day of radchemo

rad chemo... sounds like an X games after party event.  Well today mine is done with for the time being any way.  I don't think I'm getting anymore radiation but there may be some more chemo after the surgery.  That gets a little tricky as the chemo tends to drop the white cell count which is bad for fighting off any infection that might crop up after surgery.

That's a ways off, so for now I just get to sit back and see what I can do about speeding up my burning butt recovery.

last day of rad chem
people are very nice there
miss them, not process

later wednesday

it is amazing how many times a day I clench my butt.  I hadn't noticed it before but now that it's a bit burned my bum lets me know when it is moved.  It seems my butt is especially disturbed when I laugh. So do I laugh less or learn to appreciate the pain as my illness leaving my body.

wednesday week six

this is the penultimate day of this round.  Yesterday they started focusing the radiation on the tumor itself.  My bum continues to burn.  I tried some creme on it last night.  It helped a little for a short time but seemed to come back with a vengeance.  I think I had just forgot how much it hurt.  The burning continues for two weeks after the radiation stops.  It's not really that bad.  It the same way that any constant ache isn't that bad.

The day is right cold this morning.  

Please donate a buck or two at my donate page.  I was hoping that Google would take up the slack on that but they have cancelled my ads.  Let me know if you'd like to sponsor and ad on this blog.

one Winter whiteness 

covers carefully crafted 

solid structures so

I hurt some today

not as badly as others

enough for me though.

  

Tuesday, week 6

Almost done with the rad chemo.
feel pretty good about that. Kinda bummin that Google killed my adsense account.  On the other hand I'm fairly  certain they killed it cause my click thru rate was to high which means y'all are supporting me and I really appreciate your good thoughts.   You'd think eyes on ad sites would be enough but I guess not.

It's a little chilly here in New Gloucester.  Other than that things continue on.

Winter chill is here
I'm waiting for springs warm thaw
then things start to turn

Monday week six after the super bowl

only four more treatments to go. The Pats lost but that happens.
still looking forward to having all this behind me.
Google cut off my adsense account. Guess I won't have to worry about the taxes on that.

Weekend is finished
wake up to another week
time to start healing

Sunday week 5

Well yesterday I went to a Chinese Buffet which I love and since I had the appetite I took full advantage of it.  It seems I am no longer in shape to consume mass quantities.  I will spare you all the details.  It is enough to say that I was messy sick.

I haven't heard back from the doc re my most recent white cell count which suggests that it went up or at least didn't go down.  I'll call him on Monday to see what those results were.

Super bowl Sunday
Patriots ready to win
Giants lose this day

Saturday resting well

It's snowing lightly.  No chemo or rad.  My butt still hurts but it's OK
 I've a few things to do today but first there is coffee and breakfast.

chop up potatoes
morning snow falling lightly
it's good to here
 

Friday week 5

So my tender butt is quite burned and sore.  Later today I will get some hydrocortizone creme and see if that helps.  I would have gotten it sooner but I'm not driving these days.  On the other hand it is finally Friday and that means not only a bit of relief from the healing but the super bowl as well.  Go Pats.

sore burned butt redness
sit on one cheek now switch off
this will be done soon.